The world has changed a lot since I was a little boy. Sure, we've moved ahead as a society in certain things, we've evolved, we've gone to the moon, we have all this technology crap, but in the end we've taken more than a few steps back as far as human nature is concerned.
When I was growing up, a man's word was his life, a man's honor his most important virtue, and a man's ability to be real his most pressing social concern.
Things, unfortunately, have changed.
To put it kindly, men have become whining, pathetic losers incapable of handling a little hardship, incapable of handling criticism -- essentially we are slowly becoming women.
And here's some news, boys: the ladies agree with me. Women have noticed the feminization of men too, and despite what you might hear about the sensitive New Age clowns being the ideal Romeos women are looking for, it's total bull crap. Women want a man who will act like a man, who will take charge, who can make decisions, who doesn't cry, and who faces fear.
Ways men have gone wrong
1- Men quit easily
It used to be that a man had to have two bullets in his head to quit whatever he was doing. Men used to be tough and not look for the exit door every time things got rough. Now, at the first sign of trouble, men put up their hands and say "I quit," instead of fighting the tough battle. It's easy to say "I quit," but the real champions are the ones who stay in the battle. Whether it's stress at work or a relationship that has hit some bumps, quitting when faced with adversity has become too popular and too easy for too many men.
2- Men can't handle criticism
Remember the expression "take it like a man"? Remember when men could take an order and not cry about their feelings being disrespected? Remember when military training was mandatory and anyone who complained about waking up at 4 a.m. would end up scrubbing toilets with their tongues? Well, so do I. Men used to be able to take a punch, take a knock, take criticism. That's before becoming bruttas. Now every time someone says something critical that isn't sugar-coated with girly fairy dust, all hell breaks loose, and the tears start to roll. So what if your boss tells you you're an idiot -- maybe you are. Can we please get back to being able to handle a little disapproval?
3- Men complain
Remember when Don Corleone said to his godson, "You can act like a man! [Slap] What's the matter with you?" You aren't the only one. It struck a chord with a whole generation because it summed up what whining, bitching, moaning fools we've become. Complaints come left and right nowadays -- coffee is too cold, service not fast enough, distance too far. Shut the hell up. Hand in your testicoli now and go buy a bra. Accept that life isn't perfect and move on. When I hear about some clown launching a sexual harassment lawsuit against some female colleague, I want to hunt down the guy and take him to Lucca's Meat Market to show him what real sexual harassment is. We've become rompipalles (ball breakers). We've become selfish pigs, not doing anything without selfish gain.
4- Men groom like women
I'm all for a good manicure and proper hygiene, but let's get one thing straight -- I will never wax anything off my body that God intended to have there. I am not going to go to a fancy girly spa to get some algae crap on my face. Look clean, iron your clothes, anything else leave to you mother-in-law.
5- Men talk about their feelings
I love this one. Men all of a sudden have "feelings" others need to hear about. It's not enough that men are crying, they now must "express" themselves. It's not enough to say "are you going to marry me and cook me a meal every night," now guys have to recite Othello and tell their women in a 30-minute speech why he should be whipped by his significant other for the rest of his life. Asking a woman if she loves you or if you satisfy her is pathetic.
6- Men side with feminists
Anyone who knows me knows how much I love feminists, so when I see men yelling for social and workplace equality, Girl Power and the Spice Girls, I just start vomiting. Being macho has become a dirty word. Having good old-fashioned values like thinking men should be the breadwinners and the decision makers, and thinking women should raise the children and manage the home front, are condemned as damning to today's moral fabric. Where did it all go wrong?
7- Men embrace unmanly trends
Tom Cruise fan, whatever, all people who follow any of these things should be gathered up, put on an island north of Siberia, and allowed to pursue their interests in the comfort of their fellow sissy males.
8- Men are useless
Our forefathers could build a house that lasted for 200 years with their bare hands, nowadays men can't even put up a shelf without reading a 200-page manual. Sure, there are still Luigi and Mario who can build you a nice five-bedroom house in five days, but most guys don't even own a hammer anymore.
9- Men are afraid to tell someone off
Men have no problem telling everyone their childhood fantasies about their teddy bears, but ask them to be direct, blunt, and tell it like it is, and all of a sudden they belong to the United Nations. You know why? Because if they are brutally honest and forward, then someone might be brutally honest back, and heaven forbid someone tell us we're not God incarnate.
10- Men take over women's roles
When did becoming a stay-at-home dad become cool? When did being a male nurse become something guys grew up thinking of? When did being a secretary scream out "ambitious career plan"? When did holding your wife's hand while she's delivering your baby become a mandatory male experience? You want to be a wuss, do what wusses do. Be a finocchio, get ready for the backlash. You know what the worst part is? These cafones insist it's acceptable.
11- Men watch too much Oprah
Do I have to explain this one?
12- Men are whipped
The most important reason men have lost all sense of masculinity is their inability to be master of their own domain. Men have handed over the whip to their women, and allowed them to use it, liberally, frequently, and without discretion. No decision can be made without consulting the female -- your word as the final say is a running joke when you accept being second fiddle in the hierarchy chain.
Be macho
So where does that take us? Where do we, as men searching for our manhood, go from here? Simple. Go to your local video store, rent anything Frankie Sinatra, Steve McQueen or Sean Connery did before 1980. See how they maintain their presence under any circumstance. See how being rough around the edges adds allure to them. See what it means to "take it like a man."
If that's too difficult for you, here are some simple rules. No matter how tough life gets, bite your lip and handle it. Don't bitch, don't complain, just move on. Be macho, don't be afraid to say something sexist if it reflects reality. Don't follow trends women like (yoga is out, boys), don't start doing jobs women are supposed to do (being a hotel maid won't get you in the country club), don't be afraid to tell people what you think (and be ready for the return punch in the nuts). Most importantly, don't go crying to your mommy or your girlfriend every time someone is "mean" to you.
Boys, it's time for us to get our balls back, it's time for us to swing the pendulum back the other way. You don't have to be a male chauvinist pig, but for crying out loud, reclaim your manhood. Be strong, be decisive, and stop watching Oprah.
Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.
6 comments:
For me, it's simple - be who the fuck you are, not someone else's idea of who you should be. REM said it best in "Walk Unafraid" with the line "hold my love me or leave me high..."
If that means being macho, so be it. If you want to be a house husband or male nurse, go for it.
I'm neither macho or a house husband but like most dudes, fall somewhere in the middle.
I do what I want to do when I want to do it. I can change a tire, plunge a nasty ass toilet, patch drywall...what have you.
I'm not the most emotionally available person in the world as I'm sure a few females can attest to but I'm me.
Hey world - fucking deal with it.
Also - the funny thing about the Godfather is that that movie was made over 30 YEARS AGO! Men apparently didn't get it then when the Don smacked around Johnny Fontaine for being a little bitch and that's probably why it still resonates today!
Another thing, Sinatra and McQueen were among the coolest to be sure but let's remember: they were actors. Now Frank could be a hothead off-screen as well but I wonder how big his nuts would have been if he didn't have his boys to back him up?
BUT...he's still a bad motherfucker. Not as cool as Dean but still cool.
I forgot to say in the previous post, I wanted to be there for the birth of the kids but I get your point.
Tony. Tony, Tony, Tony. Did your wife refuse to make your dinner or something? Did she get on her high horse and tell you to iron your own slacks?
I understand some of this message, but I have to tell you that using Corelone as the example of how men should think is...well...lame.
Why is being flexible and nurturing being a wus? Will stayed home with his kids when they were little as a stay-at-home dad because at the time his wife was making more money and frankly, she isn’t the nurturing type. Why does it matter which was the man and which was the woman if it worked for them? It gave his wife the option to pursue her career and him the ability to be with his children, which he felt lucky to do.
I think it’s a man’s DUTY to be by his wife’s side when she delivers the baby. How would you feel if during one of the best, most beautiful and MOST PAINFUL AND SCARY moments of your life your partner thought she should be off scratching her crotch and throwing back a brewsky? That really tells you how important your are. I think the ones who stay home and watch tv is what is wrong with this society. Having a child together is one of the most soulful experiences on this green marble and if a man isn’t there to feel the greatness of that moment, I think he’s being an ass.
Yoga isn't a girly trend - it's been around FOREVER - it's become a trend because it's become more available and it's good for you.
As for this completely sexist remark “…don't start doing jobs women are supposed to do (being a hotel maid won't get you in the country club)…”
What if somebody said, “Don’t start doing jobs blacks are supposed to do, like being hotel maids.” A little bit of vomit just came up in my mouth. Come on Tony - you have to know that sentence is just wrong.
Oprah is a greedy media-whore – nobody should be watching her.
I think body hair grooming has gotten out of control, period. I don’t think it’s just men.
Having faced abusive bosses in the past, there is a good way to manage and a bad way to manage. I think allowing a boss to call you an idiot over and over again is allowing yourself to be degraded. It’s not necessary. The military is a whole other animal.
I agree whining and quitting gets out of control for some folks – men and women alike. I hear people whine about stuff all of the time and they don’t know just how lucky they are.
I know all sorts of folks who can’t handle criticism. It has to do with character and humility – not the sex of the person.
“Asking a woman if she loves you or if you satisfy her is pathetic.”
The idea that men cannot show vulnerability of any kind, I’m convinced, is the reason for the high divorce rate. I’m not saying the guy should go around crying and woe-is-meing constantly – but in intimate moments, if your partner can be vulnerable with you then it is sort of an honor to be able to hold that vulnerability sacred and gives you insight into your partner. Nobody likes to feel vulnerable, but there is nothing pussy about confiding your insecurities to your partner and if you trust each other enough, then you will be the best of friends and lovers.
The trick of any good leader – for you you mean MEN – is to not show vulnerability when it can cause a problem – to be strong when you have to, for the sake of your partner – but male and female alike can do this and great lovers have done it through the ages.
A good society doesn’t come from women staying at home with the kids and men being strong and working all day. A good society comes from the evolution and the recognition that as humans we all have different needs and to try to accommodate our needs and desires and balance them with our duties – it doesn’t matter who is at home with the kids as long as it is a parent who loves them, it doesn’t matter who is working as long as contributions are being made as a team. It doesn’t matter what you decide to do for a living as long as it brings you the means to feed yourself or your family and you want to do it, or at least don’t mind doing it. I think it’s much worse for a man to let his family go hungry rather than take a job as a secretary.
When I had Jade I was SEVERLY injured. Robert had to stay home with me for several days to give me medication and take care of the baby. The guys at work were merciless about it. Teasing him and calling him whipped and always asking why my mother can’t come take care of us. He said f*ck them and took care of me and Jade and Amber for a week and then was able to return to work. If you ask me that attitude is the downfall – not the things you mentioned as the problems - the attitude that being kind, nurturing, empathetic and caring make a man weak is what is wrong with this society. Some of the greatest men in history were both strong and kind, dutiful and empathetic. They don’t have to be one or the other. Both of my men are a blend of both.
Good thoughts, Heather.
I will say though that I believe the very last thing a woman wants to hear are the questions "Do you love me?" or "Do I satisfy you?"
I believe that women would find this rather pathetic and would rather have a man who is self assured and confident - not an asshole mind you but definitely not tentative and whiny.
My blog, my opinions.
My point in this post (which was written by someone else a long time ago and I stumbled across it on my hard drive this morning) is that traditional masculinity is now looked upon as archaic, oppressive and outdated. A man can BE a nurse, stay at home daddy, chambermaid, or receptionist; just expect to get hassled about it because it's not a traditional role for men. And taking on nontraditional roles has, in part, led to a feminization of men. Men are sent mixed signals in this culture. We're told that "big boys don't cry" but as an adult we're expected to "share our feelings." Can't have it both ways. Men are viewed as little more than sperm donors by an increasing number of women and yet many of these same women (I'm hypothesizing) bemoan the lack of "good men" out there.
I don't think lack of vulnerability is the sole or even primary culprit of divorce today; I think it has more to do with couples not clearly expressing their expectations up front and/or living up to them.
Boy, I tell ya, one bad thing about being Black and opinionated is that some people never let you forget you're the former. Every ill-received opinion comes with a retort that begins, "What if I said Black people should..." I am not mandating that anyone work specific jobs based on gender. I'm simply suggesting that certain jobs carry certain historic perceptions about who should do them. If you WANT to do them, fine, but expect to be hassled.
There's nothing wrong with being present for your childrens' births. That's probably the only part of this post I'd change.
Tit for tat Tony - folks don't let me forget I'm a woman - which is fine, I am one and it's something I can relate to.
Richard - I know we are talking in generalizations here - but I don't think a little showing of lack of confidence is a total turn off - in fact if you can find the women who accept your flaws and insecurities, you're likely to spend a long happy time with them. In fact, as far as "Do I satisfy you?" That's a sort of lame way to ask it - but it's actually showing that they care about if you are getting all that you need - if the guy is really insecure it will come out in a thousand other ways that will make him a poor mate.
Tony - The way this post makes "traditional masculinity" sound is a lot like what I think of when I watch animal shows. Lots of staring down, puffing up, grabbing and scratching and hooting.
It is a man's thinking and composure that makes him who he is. You can be stoic without being disconnected from emotion. His consdiering the greatness and impact of his exsistence on this world and the words he uses and the image he projects that makes him a man. A man cares for his family, however he must do that. Taking whatever job he must to feed his brood, being repsonsible, or staying home and taking care of the kids if that is what is best for his family - being honest and empathetic to suffering and if he wants to be a nurse or raise kids he has EVERY RIGHT to expect NOT to get pushed around for it.
This post seemed so un-you - not that I know you real well, and you do have a good bit of sarcasam, but to me this post was so, well, icky.
I didn't mean to say sharing vulnerability is THE thing - I meant to say ONE of them - dunno why I typed it that way - you're right it's not the sole thing.
Divorce is due to: Placing unrealistic expectations on your mate and human nature in general, erosion of trust and lack of sharing,vulnerabilities, emotions, feelings, needs. Boredom.
Of course we have the more extreme examples of spousal abuse, etc. But that is macho in another form.
The point is that men need to do what in their hearts feels like the "right thing" - if that means being a male nurse and marrying a woman who is an executive and taking care of the kids - then that's what it means and I say more power to them, if it works for them.
A lot of those soft humanitarian types have wonderful loving deep relationships that more macho men could never conceive of.
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